From the youtube description: Bored of watching the full iPad keynote? No problem! The following video by Neil Curtis sums it up to convenient 180 seconds of all the important words spoken there. I assure you, that no scene is repeated and everything was said on this keynote! Oh, and please don’t take it personal: it’s meant to be humor!

So I just took my seat on a flight from St. Louis to Minneapolis. Nothing new or glamorous about that. The flight attendants are making their rounds up and down the isles, and one in particular seems about as condescending as could be. I realize I’m not in first class and I know perfectly well that all my luggage needs to fit in the overhead compartment or underneath the seat in front of me THANK YOU!

So as others are still getting situated and hoisting luggage into the overhead bins.. one the finest attendants on a trip past me says, “Sir, please buckle your seat belt!” in a rather snotty tone, if I do say myself. Never being one for a loss of words I reply “With all do respect, you have yet to show me how to properly buckle. Once you show me how to do it, I’ll give it a shot.”

And with that… you could hear snickers and laughs coming from the peanut gallery aka other passengers and she scoffed off.  I think I may have heard an audible “DING” but I’m not 100% sure about that.

When was the last time someone gave you a test before you were shown the material? Seriously

Lesson learned I say…

Found on twitter Thanks Jason!

They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: Liberals & Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That’s how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement. Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q’s and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as “girlie men.” Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats,
the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals were symbolized by the jackass. Modern liberals like light beer (sometimes with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals also invented the designated hitter rule because it was not fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives tend to drink micro brew beer. They also eat red meat and still provide for their women and families. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living. Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today’s lesson in world history: It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.
A Conservative will simply laugh and forward immediately just for the hell of it.